Elysium Read online

  “I’m sorry about your husband.” I’d wanted to tell her that in person for a month, and it seemed as good a time as any. “He seemed like a good man.”

  “He was. Thank you.” She let go of the metal pull and looked up at me, her brow furrowing over her clear gray eyes. “You must hear so many sad stories.”

  “I do.”

  Soft pink lips curved downward. “That must be very difficult for you.”

  “It is.” I swallowed hard. No matter how attractive I found April, our appointment was supposed to be business, nothing more. I needed to focus.

  She leaned her elbow on the chair’s armrest and propped her chin in her hand. “How do you handle all of that? Every day you’re dealing with the shattered pieces of people’s lives and trying to rebuild them.”

  “I don’t have a great answer for you.” I ruffled my hair and fidgeted against the desk. “To be honest with you, some of the coping mechanisms I use are probably…unhealthy.”

  Her frown deepened. “If I had known—”

  “No, it’s okay,” I hurried to reassure her. “These are my choices. I made the decision to devote myself to Elysium and everything this business entails.” My cheeks heated as I remembered how she’d consumed every moment over the past month. “And I want to do this for you.”

  We sat in silence. It was the first time a client had asked me so many personal questions. On one hand, I worried about coming across as unprofessional, but on the other, it felt good to verbalize those thoughts for a change. Putting that aside, April hadn’t come to play psychiatrist with me. I had a job to do.

  “Anything else before we get started?” I pushed off the edge of the desk and straightened.

  She didn’t get up. “Do you ever go into your own virtual realities?”

  “Actually, I don’t.” I ran a finger along the top of one of the screens. “First of all, it needs to be monitored from the outside. I can’t do both at the same time.”

  “Got it.” She nodded. “What else?”

  A clammy feeling crawled over me. “Nothing.”

  “You said ‘first of all.’ That means there must be a second.”

  She’d paid attention, I’d give her that. I tried to backtrack. “Forget it.”

  Sliding her arm off the chair, she leaned forward, ginger hair spilling over her shoulders. “I want to know what I’m getting into. Tell me.” Face upturned, she stared at me and I struggled to breathe in a normal rhythm. “Please?”

  Don’t say it, don’t admit to it, she doesn’t need to know…. Talking to her eased a little of the tension that had been twisting tighter and tighter over time. I ignored the voices telling me not to make a confession, but the words spilled out faster than I’d intended.

  “With all the misery and heartache I see in the world, the temptation exists to disappear into a painless fantasy.” The chill spreading through me intensified. “I’m afraid I’d lose myself and never want to come out.”

  April blinked her long lashes and straightened in the chair. “That’s one of the reasons I’m anxious about going in there.”

  April

  I’d stalled long enough. Okay, I guess it wasn’t really stalling, as I kind of liked talking to Drew and learning more about him and Elysium. He was a nice guy and I appreciated his soft-spoken nature and open honesty, not to mention the dimples accompanying his shy smiles. But he had work to do, and I didn’t want to waste any more of his time.

  We left his workstation together. Before we returned to the first room he’d shown me, I peered up and down the corridor. “What else is in the building? It seemed pretty big from the outside.”

  If he grew impatient with my curiosity and apprehension, he didn’t show it. “I house Elysium’s own private servers here. There’s a lot of data I need to store and back up.” He ran his fingers through his shaggy hair and examined his shoes. “And there’s a bed and table and stuff in the back for the nights I’m too tired to make it home.”

  The image of him staying behind all by himself after dealing with yet another tragic tale saddened me. “Don’t you have a family or someone waiting for you?”

  “Nope, it’s just me.” He glanced back up. “Anyway, the rest of the rooms, I use for extra storage.”

  “Storage for what?”

  “For all the things people send me in preparation for coming here. Sometimes they don’t want them back.” He shrugged. “But somehow, I can’t bring myself to throw out all those pictures and videos and letters, and so on.”

  I hadn’t thought about that. I didn’t know what I’d be feeling by the time I left. “That’s very considerate of you. You never know if they may someday want to retrieve them.”

  “No one’s come back for them yet. But it doesn’t seem right.”

  Drew nudged open the door to the room with the reclining chair in it again. It was time. He let me pass by him. “You can put your bag down over here.”

  I followed the instruction and walked toward a small table in the corner, and then took a seat on the edge of the lightly padded recliner. He opened a cabinet and removed a silver helmet.

  Wheeling a chair out from beneath the table, he sat and scooted over to me. “Don’t worry, it’s lighter than it looks,” he said.

  I leaned over to get a better view of the headset. “Like I mentioned before, I researched you a little bit.” I hoped that didn’t sound creepy. “I read that you’ve patented your equipment and copyrighted your programs and everything.”

  He beamed at me. “That’s right.”

  “So you truly are the only one who can do this.”

  “Also correct.”

  I turned away from the apparatus and studied him. “Forgive me for asking, but then what are you doing here? To me, it seems like you could be selling your technology and making millions, rather than running this limited operation in small-town Connecticut.”

  Drew reclined in his chair and slowly turned the headset around in his hands. “I’ve thought about it.” Light glinted off the helmet’s gleaming surface. “Where to go next, what paths I want to take. The possibilities for such realistic virtual worlds are endless, after all.” A dreamy, melancholy expression washed over his face. “But this is what I’ve dedicated my life to. I wouldn’t feel comfortable handing it over to strangers.”

  “Not everyone feels so strongly about their work.” The respect I had for him increased. “In some ways, I think you’re lucky.”

  “Yeah.” His fingers brushed the sides of the helmet. “And you know what they say, money can’t buy you happiness.”

  “Tell me about it.” I picked at a loose thread on the recliner’s cushion. “I got something when Kevin died. From some fund for families of fallen officers. Other than taking a little to help out with living expenses, I haven’t touched it.”

  He didn’t respond. Glad not to engage in the argument I’d had so many times with Janie over whether I deserved that money, I wiggled back in the recliner. “I think I’m ready.”

  Drew stood and helped me lower the headset in place. The helmet was indeed lighter than it looked. Brushing some of my hair out of the way, he snapped a pair of goggles to the front, distorting everything in front of me. I could see through them a little bit, but the lights appeared dimmer and the details of the room’s surroundings were a little blurry. He vanished from my line of sight and my heart started racing.

  “Drew?” I called.

  His face reappeared. “Yes?”

  I felt so stupid even saying these concerns out loud. The answer wouldn’t have changed anything by that point, but I had to ask. “Is this going to hurt?”

  His friendly smile and warm brown eyes pierced through the haze of the lenses. “No, it won’t.” He rubbed my hand on the armrest, the gentle touch helping soothe me. His fingers curled around mine and I squeezed them. “Just relax. I’ll take good care of you, I promise.”

  He left and the room went dark. Breathing slowly, I closed my eyes and tried to follow his final dir
ection. A faint humming sounded from the back of the headset and a strange sensation overcame me. My limbs hung heavy, as if I were drowsy and about to nod right off to sleep, yet I remained wide awake. The chair dissolved underneath me, and for a brief moment, it felt like I floated in mid-air.

  The droning stopped, replaced by singing birds and water running somewhere in the distance. When I opened my eyes, I stood on a worn stone path. The tan bricks curved and meandered through a well-maintained lawn, and vibrant flowers danced in the breeze amidst the grasses. While not an exact replica, the scene bore a striking resemblance to where Kevin and I’d spent one of our first dates.

  I turned in a deliberate circle to take it all in. My body responded to the commands I gave, allowing me to retain complete control. I reached up to my head and felt nothing but hair and skin. Feeling somewhat foolish, I waved my arms around and hopped up and down from one foot to the other. Everything was normal.

  I noticed the billowing skirt swishing against my knees. It belonged to the yellow striped sundress I’d worn to a friend’s barbecue a couple of summers ago. I’d always liked this dress, but I hadn’t worn it since.

  Crouching down, I pressed against the paved trail. The stones were cool and solid beneath my touch. I reached out and tugged at a single blade of grass. It snapped off and I rolled it back and forth. A green smear darkened one fingertip, and it even smelled like grass. Incredible.

  I didn’t have long to marvel at Drew’s genius, for footsteps approached behind me. Straightening, I gradually turned in the direction of the sound. What I saw froze me in place.

  He wore his dark hair buzzed short like always, and his skin was tanned as if he’d never spent one day out of the sun. A plain blue T-shirt the color of his eyes stretched over his thick chest, tucked into his favorite pair of jeans. He strode toward me, every detail of his movements captured with perfection. I even saw the scar from a childhood accident spanning the top of his left hand.

  He stopped a foot away from me and grinned. His lips, his teeth, his jaw, everything flowed into the cheerful expression I’d missed so much.

  “Hey, kitten.”

  His voice sent shivers down my spine. I clapped one trembling hand over my mouth and rocked from side to side. The corners of my eyes stung with a whirlwind of emotions and my throat tightened so much I could barely whisper.

  “Kevin….”

  Drew

  A likeness of April appeared on one of the monitors. For that singular moment, she was mine, the starring character in the show I’d engineered. She explored the world I’d crafted just for her, and a sense of accomplishment melted my heart when she ran her fingers over the grass and smiled. It helped dull the cruelty of the situation, that the woman Madame Eve delivered right to Elysium’s doorstep hadn’t come for me.

  I could have sat there and watched her play in this fictional universe for hours. As it stood, I tried not to think about how soft her hair had felt when I helped put the headset on her or the way her hand gripped mine as if she needed me. But I had a job to do, and it was time to accept this was not a date for us to share together and I had to take on my own role in the production.

  When I input the next commands, Kevin’s avatar joined her in the park. I made sure my own headset sat in place and adjusted the microphone properly. The software altered every word I spoke to come out in his voice, but I still tried to match his cadence and mannerisms. “Hey, kitten,” I said, using his pet name for her.

  I’d seen the same amazement that crossed April’s face a hundred times on previous clients’ faces. Shock, doubt, disbelief, and an overwhelming desire to believe what she saw, all clearly displayed as if I’d read written words. After the surprise wore off, something in her entire demeanor shifted. Her eyes lit up as she gazed upon him, and she reverted back to the woman I’d seen in the photographs. Another pang of envy stabbed through me. No one ever viewed me like that, especially not someone as enthralling as her.

  I waited to see what she did next, as I let the clients lead the scenes. Would she take his hand? Embrace him? Cover him with two years’ worth of kisses? Instead, she stood there, basking in the presence of the man she’d lost.

  Keeping Kevin in the same place, I needed to do something to maintain the illusion of reality. I spoke again, and admitted to myself that the words weren’t merely play-acting. “You look beautiful.”

  She blushed and smoothed down the skirt of her dress. “I….” A sigh left her lips, followed by a nervous giggle. “I’m not sure how I’m supposed to talk in here.”

  “You can talk about whatever you want,” he said. “Tell me what you’ve been up to lately.”

  “Not much.” She shrugged. “I’m still going to the sandwich shop six days a week, nothing’s changed there.” A half-smile appeared on her lips. “We still have a high turnover with the local college kids picking up a few shifts on their days off. Maybe I’m getting older, but they seem so young.”

  Kevin emitted a short burst of laughter. I hoped it sounded accurate. “Lucky them.”

  “I know. They still have plenty of time to figure things out as soon as they can get past gossiping about the latest kegger they went to.”

  Side by side, they strolled down the cobblestone path. When April stepped into the grass and made her way toward the creek, Kevin followed her. She sat on the slope and fluffed out her dress, tucking her knees beneath her. I chose a more casual pose for him, and he leaned on one elbow while stretching his legs out. Her fingers trailed through the verdant blades and she stared out over the water.

  Though the clients usually steered the conversations, I kept a list of prompts handy to help the interactions flow naturally. “How is your mother?”

  Her jaw tightened and her lips pursed together. “I haven’t spoken to her since…since I called her with your funeral plans.” April swallowed. “She asked me if I’d really expected differently when I married a cop.”

  Ouch. Big misstep on my part. I checked the pad of notes and hoped to find more success somewhere else. “What about Janie? How’s she doing?”

  The tension eased out of the muscles in her neck. “Same old Janie.” April pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. “Taking on the world one lawsuit at a time.”

  “How often do you see her?”

  “She tries to come by once a week, though sometimes she’s too busy with work.” April looked down at the grass, and her smile reappeared. “In a way, this was sort of her idea, me coming here and doing this.”

  Kevin reached out and touched her arm. “I’m glad you decided to give it a chance.”

  She beamed at him. “She did always like you. Remember that year we went up to her place for Christmas Eve and….”

  Her shoulders relaxed, and I watched her inhibitions slip away as she recalled their happy memories. I imagined someone turning back the hands of time and I observed what she was like before her life changed so suddenly. Maintaining the simulated scene tore me in two directions at once. Though enchanted by this version of April, as I had been when reviewing her files, I also enjoyed the company of the woman who sat in Elysium’s office and showed a genuine interest in me.

  I shook my head. What I thought didn’t matter, and I should have been devoting complete attention to the job. I sent a bright-orange butterfly floating by and checked to make sure the ambient noise track ran correctly.

  She stood and faced up the hill. “I remember the first time we were in a place like this.” A dreamy haze clouded her gray eyes. “I was shocked that you were interested in me, that you wanted to spend more time with me.”

  Kevin gazed at her from his reclined position on the grass. Once more, the line between his words and mine blurred. “I knew right away you were special.”

  Her cheeks brightened again. “I felt so nervous beforehand. I worried that we might run out of things to talk about.” She cast a wistful glance back over her shoulder. “And we never did.”

  “No, we didn’t.”

  He jum
ped to his feet and climbed to the top of the slope in lengthy strides. When he arrived on level ground, he turned to her and extended his hand. At the precise moment they made contact, I amplified the scent of the cologne she’d told me he’d always worn on memorable occasions.

  The longing expression on her face when she grasped his fingers thrilled me and killed me. I may have dreamed about meeting her for weeks, but no matter what I did with tools and technology, I couldn’t be the man she wanted. She wasn’t ready for me. I respected that she might not ever be, even if unrequited feelings tore my soul into agonizing shreds.

  April took his hand in both of hers and pressed it to her chest. She closed her eyes and the breeze whipped through her copper hair, making the glossy strands dance around her body like flames.

  “I missed you,” she whispered into the wind.

  April

  My brain knew it was all an illusion, but my heart wanted to succumb to the fantasy. The apparition in front of me looked like Kevin, sounded like Kevin…God, it even smelled like Kevin. And when I held his hand and ran a finger along the raised scar, everything in me yearned to believe it was somehow really him.

  I bent over and savored the feeling of his skin against mine. “I missed you,” I murmured. “And I missed who I was when we were together. It’s like I have all this warmth and joy and love pent up inside me, and without you around, it has nowhere to go. But now….”

  How strange that I felt more like myself than I had in years while I occupied this virtual world. Everything around me was fake, an artificial construction, but I was real. I reveled in the breath of fresh air, even though that fresh air came from a simulation.

  I needed more. Tentatively, I stepped closer to him. My arms circled his waist, and I sank into his waiting embrace. Leaning against his shoulder, I inhaled his scent and shuddered. The smooth cotton of his T-shirt rubbed beneath me, and his heartbeat pulsed in my ear in a reassuring rhythm. With his strong arms holding me tightly, it was the most perfect scenario I could have wished for.